Happy New Year 2011 to everyone!
After long last, I'm updating the blog. I really need to get back into writing things, getting a little frustration out (in the form of scathing reviews or opinionated articles, not necessarily related to the actual items frustrating me - that's what my personal journals/blogs are for!) and getting back into the swing of things.
Also - reaching out to the world again. Tired of hiding here in the apartment with my girl and my pets, especially now that the winter is upon us and there's even less enticement to leave my comfy jammy-jams and into the great wide cold void that is the outside world for the next few months.
Oh, and you can also chalk this up to "New Years Resolutions" that will undoubtedly fail. I hope it won't, but I know I can't keep up with daily updates or anything. Work schedules and girlfriend schedules simply won't allow that. But I can say that I'll give it some effort to keep this blog up.
Maybe in time I'll get comments that aren't spambots.
Maybe in time I can generate some revenue on this blog somehow.
Maybe in time I'll do all those things I've been meaning to do...
Write reviews on Yelp, write about my recent travels to L.A. to visit family and some old familiar places, write about the current state of the world and all of the things that just piss me off in general.
You know, the usual.
SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF:
"Truvia" Commercials.
I can't fully explain just why this commercial fills me with such misogynistic rage. Perhaps it's the insipid way that the following words were combined in mind-numbingly-dumb jingle format: "made my butt fat", "self-control down the drain" and "skinny jeans zipped in relief".
That's right - SUGAR is to blame for your lack of self-control and resultant large ass. Not the fact that you're eating DESSERT with your morning coffee instead of even a SEMI-nutritional breakfast. Or that you find comfort in eating due to low self-worth or self-esteem or the myriad of other psychological reasons that make people overeat. Or the fact that you're genetically likely to have a large ass because both of your parents also had large asses.
I'm a fat person, and you know who I blame for it? Me. I don't blame the food for making me fat. I blame me for shoveling that food into my gaping maw. Just like YOU SHOULD, YOU BITCH!! Are you really telling me that the fact that you decided to sprinkle sugar into your coffee in the morning causes you GRIEF? How about NOT sprinkling sugar into your coffee??? DID YOU TRY THAT???
No - you were waiting for science to come up with something magical that gives you all the satisfaction of sugar but without the meager 40 calories or whatever that a normal human likely adds to their morning libation of caffeine.
(They did that a number of years ago. Several times. Like with Sweet 'N Low, Equal, Splenda, and a number of off-brand products made with a variety of calorie-free sugar substitutes.
Oh, but this one comes from a plant. Awesome. Enjoy having plant-based artificial sweetener in your coffee.
I still hate you, Truvia Bitch. At a subliminal, liminal and superliminal level. I loathe you and the marketing company that decided to come up with one of the worst commercials of the year that I would expect has singlehandedly led to a rise in the number of random violent attacks on women, who likely all happened to be using this particular brand of artificial sweetener.
What do you think? Do you also feel something in your subconscious when watching this commercial that fills you with something dark and evil and violent? Leave a comment!
And then Digg this article!
Read more!
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coffee. Show all posts
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sexpresso
It doesn't take a Master's degree from an upper-class business school to know the simple fact that sex sells. It's practically an age-old mantra of "if you make it sexy, they will come" - usually referring to females on the sexy side and males as the prospective clients trying to be driven in. And it's not just about selling products; some groups try to use sex to sell their ideology. PETA, for example, has been exploiting this tactic by having females wear very little or going fully nude during protests in order to lure in new followers (and new donors).
In Snohomish County, Washington, you'll find a large number of drive-through espresso/coffee stands. But if you see a coffee stand featuring scantily-clad baristas, you might be at Grab 'N' Go Espresso on Highway 99. Owner Bill Wheeler decided to bring a little bit of Las Vegas to his Washington company last year, and business has been booming for him. He plans on expanding to a dozen stands in Washington as well as Nevada, including one location hiring male baristas in Speedos and bowties, possibly imitating the fashion of the famous Chippendale's dancers.
Of course, for every sexy action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Among the complainers is Kimberly Gainza, who says, "I'm not against people making money. What I'm against is how they're going about doing it. It's not right -- on a road where everybody can see."
The law of the land says that as long as nipples and genitals are covered, there are no public indecency laws being broken. Health officials and state Labor and Industries officials say there are no clothing requirements for baristas, so there's no argument there either. Of course, this means that the complaining parties are trying to take these issues to the government in attempts to further regulate the industry and shut down the sexy espresso-pushers.
Obviously, another group of nay-sayers is comprised of rival coffee businesses. Tina Taylor, who has owned Giddy Up 'N' Go Espresso for eight years, says that her traffic to her business is clearly dipping. While at times her stand doesn't see a single customer in over a hour's time, rival sexy-stands always have cars lined up and ready for business. Ruth Oliver, who has owned R & R Espresso in Bothell for 17 years, said that she'd rather close her business down than turn it into a "strip club" just because of the popular trend.
(To be fair, at strip clubs you have to wait until they remove clothing - at these places, what you see upon entry is all you're going to get.)
And of course, just as these businesses are using sex to sell more coffee, other businesses are trying to profit from the clash without resorting to those tactics. They are using signs like "We Make it Hot with our Tops On," "R-rated Coffee; PG-rated Girls" and "Known 4 Coffee Not Cleavage!" to lure customers their way.
Others are just snippy. Sara Barnfather, 22, a barista with Stars and Stripes Espresso, says she's "proud to be classy, not trashy. If you like nipples and third-degree burns, go for it. But it's not my cup of tea."
And not surprisingly, a lot of male customers DO like nipples. A barista at one of these sexy-espresso stands claims that after working there for three months, she's been making twice the tips that she used to make at another coffee chain store. Baristas at these sexy espresso stands say they consistently fetch more than $100 a day in tips.
Meanwhile, the other coffee stands are slowly understanding that in this particular market and location, there's a real "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" type of atmosphere.
John Ferguson, who owns an espresso stand in Edmonds, said the combination of corporate outlets and bikini stands along the Highway 99 corridor forced him three months to adopt a "sexy espresso" theme or go out of business.
"We saw our male clientele dwindle to next to nothing," he said.
Carrie Smith, owner of the Mocha Boat in Lynnwood, said she switched themes six months ago after a competing stand hired young women to stand on the corner with pasties and tight shorts.
Business tripled after her employees started wearing more revealing outfits, she said.
"We had to close the stand or roll with it," Smith said.
While there have been a few reports of inappropriate comments made to the girls working the sexy espresso stands, the baristas agree that this can happen anywhere and it's not much more often than working elsewhere.
From the chain that probably started the trend as a whole, Hooters, there has been clear evidence that business has been thriving in spite of any critics who seem to take offense.
Frankly, I don't drink coffee. But I bet they'd make a mean cup of hot cocoa all the same, and I'm probably not the only guy out there who'll admit that it's okay to sacrifice a little bit of quality if it's being served by a team of scantily-clad female baristas.
After all, sex sells.
What do you think? Is this a trend of sexiness that's just expanding to new markets? Do you side with the businesses who are raking in the profits, or the businesses that refuse to "exploit" their employees and thereby are NOT raking in the profits? Would you buy a "sexpresso"?
(The 'sexpresso' article)
Read more!
In Snohomish County, Washington, you'll find a large number of drive-through espresso/coffee stands. But if you see a coffee stand featuring scantily-clad baristas, you might be at Grab 'N' Go Espresso on Highway 99. Owner Bill Wheeler decided to bring a little bit of Las Vegas to his Washington company last year, and business has been booming for him. He plans on expanding to a dozen stands in Washington as well as Nevada, including one location hiring male baristas in Speedos and bowties, possibly imitating the fashion of the famous Chippendale's dancers.
Of course, for every sexy action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Among the complainers is Kimberly Gainza, who says, "I'm not against people making money. What I'm against is how they're going about doing it. It's not right -- on a road where everybody can see."
The law of the land says that as long as nipples and genitals are covered, there are no public indecency laws being broken. Health officials and state Labor and Industries officials say there are no clothing requirements for baristas, so there's no argument there either. Of course, this means that the complaining parties are trying to take these issues to the government in attempts to further regulate the industry and shut down the sexy espresso-pushers.
Obviously, another group of nay-sayers is comprised of rival coffee businesses. Tina Taylor, who has owned Giddy Up 'N' Go Espresso for eight years, says that her traffic to her business is clearly dipping. While at times her stand doesn't see a single customer in over a hour's time, rival sexy-stands always have cars lined up and ready for business. Ruth Oliver, who has owned R & R Espresso in Bothell for 17 years, said that she'd rather close her business down than turn it into a "strip club" just because of the popular trend.
(To be fair, at strip clubs you have to wait until they remove clothing - at these places, what you see upon entry is all you're going to get.)
And of course, just as these businesses are using sex to sell more coffee, other businesses are trying to profit from the clash without resorting to those tactics. They are using signs like "We Make it Hot with our Tops On," "R-rated Coffee; PG-rated Girls" and "Known 4 Coffee Not Cleavage!" to lure customers their way.
Others are just snippy. Sara Barnfather, 22, a barista with Stars and Stripes Espresso, says she's "proud to be classy, not trashy. If you like nipples and third-degree burns, go for it. But it's not my cup of tea."
And not surprisingly, a lot of male customers DO like nipples. A barista at one of these sexy-espresso stands claims that after working there for three months, she's been making twice the tips that she used to make at another coffee chain store. Baristas at these sexy espresso stands say they consistently fetch more than $100 a day in tips.
Meanwhile, the other coffee stands are slowly understanding that in this particular market and location, there's a real "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" type of atmosphere.
John Ferguson, who owns an espresso stand in Edmonds, said the combination of corporate outlets and bikini stands along the Highway 99 corridor forced him three months to adopt a "sexy espresso" theme or go out of business.
"We saw our male clientele dwindle to next to nothing," he said.
Carrie Smith, owner of the Mocha Boat in Lynnwood, said she switched themes six months ago after a competing stand hired young women to stand on the corner with pasties and tight shorts.
Business tripled after her employees started wearing more revealing outfits, she said.
"We had to close the stand or roll with it," Smith said.
While there have been a few reports of inappropriate comments made to the girls working the sexy espresso stands, the baristas agree that this can happen anywhere and it's not much more often than working elsewhere.
From the chain that probably started the trend as a whole, Hooters, there has been clear evidence that business has been thriving in spite of any critics who seem to take offense.
Frankly, I don't drink coffee. But I bet they'd make a mean cup of hot cocoa all the same, and I'm probably not the only guy out there who'll admit that it's okay to sacrifice a little bit of quality if it's being served by a team of scantily-clad female baristas.
After all, sex sells.
What do you think? Is this a trend of sexiness that's just expanding to new markets? Do you side with the businesses who are raking in the profits, or the businesses that refuse to "exploit" their employees and thereby are NOT raking in the profits? Would you buy a "sexpresso"?
(The 'sexpresso' article)
Read more!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Starbucks-less
Dear Coffee Junkies,
We regret to inform you that if you're jonesing for a cuppa Starbucks coffee this evening (Tuesday, February 26th) between the hours of 5:30pm and 8:30pm - you might be out of luck.
Yours in Caffeine,
Starbucks
Okay, so the letter doesn't exist - but the facts remain true. Most of the 7,000 US locations for the Starbucks chain WILL be closed for three hours tonight. Why? Because the congolmerate of coffee is having a nationwide training/re-training session for all of its baristas. One can only hope that the result of this session would be better service, better coffee, or the very least more baristas who will have a better idea of how to use the various instruments lying behind the counter and the magical things they do.
Will they all be able to properly foam a latte? Doubtful. Will they all at least understand how to operate a cash register? One can only dream.
It's hard to believe that three hours' time is enough to eradicate the years of collective ignorance and apathy one generally finds in the average Starbucks employee - but it's nice to know that Starbucks actually recognizes some of its shortcomings and wants to create the illusion of attempting to fix it. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow you'll get the lucky barista who learned something from tonight's training and you won't feel like beating him/her to death like usual.
Just thought I'd throw this message out there, in case there are people who are THAT addicted to Starbucks coffee that three hours of 'Bucks denial might cause a homocidal rampage. Seriously, suck it up and head to a Dunkin Donuts. Stop killing people over caffeine withdrawal. That's just stupid.
Disclaimer: I do not drink coffee. But I have been to Starbucks many times.
Will you survive tonight?
(The original article)
Read more!
We regret to inform you that if you're jonesing for a cuppa Starbucks coffee this evening (Tuesday, February 26th) between the hours of 5:30pm and 8:30pm - you might be out of luck.
Yours in Caffeine,
Starbucks
Okay, so the letter doesn't exist - but the facts remain true. Most of the 7,000 US locations for the Starbucks chain WILL be closed for three hours tonight. Why? Because the congolmerate of coffee is having a nationwide training/re-training session for all of its baristas. One can only hope that the result of this session would be better service, better coffee, or the very least more baristas who will have a better idea of how to use the various instruments lying behind the counter and the magical things they do.
Will they all be able to properly foam a latte? Doubtful. Will they all at least understand how to operate a cash register? One can only dream.
It's hard to believe that three hours' time is enough to eradicate the years of collective ignorance and apathy one generally finds in the average Starbucks employee - but it's nice to know that Starbucks actually recognizes some of its shortcomings and wants to create the illusion of attempting to fix it. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow you'll get the lucky barista who learned something from tonight's training and you won't feel like beating him/her to death like usual.
Just thought I'd throw this message out there, in case there are people who are THAT addicted to Starbucks coffee that three hours of 'Bucks denial might cause a homocidal rampage. Seriously, suck it up and head to a Dunkin Donuts. Stop killing people over caffeine withdrawal. That's just stupid.
Disclaimer: I do not drink coffee. But I have been to Starbucks many times.
Will you survive tonight?
(The original article)
Read more!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
