In the RedEye: 5 on 5 - March 23, 2010

I finally made it back into the RedEye, folks! And this time with a picture and everything!

It all started last Wednesday when I e-mailed my answers to the Sports section's "5 on 5" request. I thought my answers were rather amusing, so I sent it in.

Well, I didn't get in, but the guy said he'd be connecting me to someone who will get back to me and will put me in the Tuesday "5 on 5" instead because he already booked the Thursday one! So I waited patiently and on Sunday night, I got this e-mail:

"Hey Aaron, [Columnist] gave me your contact info so we could get you into 5 on 5s this week. I'm filling in for him while he's on vacation. Thanks for getting in touch with us. The questions are below, and I need your answers by 2 p.m. Monday. Let me know if there are any questions, and definitely send us a picture (a head/shoulders shot will do) if you have not done so already.

1. What else can be solved with a bracket-type tournament?
2. Create a rallying cry for a team in the Sweet 16.
3. With their 10-game skid snapped, what do the Bulls do for an encore?
4. Whom would you like to see announcing March Madness games?
5. What will Ozzie Guillen do when he bores of Twitter?"

So I sent in my responses.

As is customary, I wrote too much and they had to cut it down to make it fit. So here are my responses in full and I'll bold the parts that got kept in.

1. What else can be solved with a bracket-type tournament?

Government bailouts. I don't want my money going to bail out a company that hasn't fought from a Sweet 16 to the Championships. [won a tourney.]


2. Create a rallying cry for a team in the Sweet 16.

"Northern Iowa Panthers: Your Office Probably Hates Us Now!"


3. With their 10-game skid snapped, what do the Bulls do for an encore?

The obvious answer is "an 11-game skid", but I think they could hit 12 or 13 easily. Can't underestimate the Bulls!


4. Whom would you like to see announcing March Madness games?

We need a new insulting, snarky Brit to handle sports like Simon Cowell does for singing and Gordon Ramsay for cooking. And put him courtside with a bullhorn for maximum chance of crying.


5. What will Ozzie Guillen do when he bores of Twitter?

He'll spend his days updating his status message on Facebook and throwing sheep at the managers of other teams.


I also sent in two headshots for them to pick from. One was my famous "sombrero" picture, which I realize didn't have the standard headshot look with shoulders that they tend to use, so I included a backup picture of me in my suit and power tie. And sadly, that's the one they used. Though it's a hilarious contrast from the other pictures in the column.

You can see for yourself in the ONLINE edition if you're not a Chicagoan and have access to the actual paper today.

Well, that's all for now! Maybe someday I'll finally get a gig as a guest columnist for the RedEye!

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