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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Starbucks-less

Dear Coffee Junkies,

We regret to inform you that if you're jonesing for a cuppa Starbucks coffee this evening (Tuesday, February 26th) between the hours of 5:30pm and 8:30pm - you might be out of luck.

Yours in Caffeine,

Starbucks



Okay, so the letter doesn't exist - but the facts remain true. Most of the 7,000 US locations for the Starbucks chain WILL be closed for three hours tonight. Why? Because the congolmerate of coffee is having a nationwide training/re-training session for all of its baristas. One can only hope that the result of this session would be better service, better coffee, or the very least more baristas who will have a better idea of how to use the various instruments lying behind the counter and the magical things they do.

Will they all be able to properly foam a latte? Doubtful. Will they all at least understand how to operate a cash register? One can only dream.

It's hard to believe that three hours' time is enough to eradicate the years of collective ignorance and apathy one generally finds in the average Starbucks employee - but it's nice to know that Starbucks actually recognizes some of its shortcomings and wants to create the illusion of attempting to fix it. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow you'll get the lucky barista who learned something from tonight's training and you won't feel like beating him/her to death like usual.

Just thought I'd throw this message out there, in case there are people who are THAT addicted to Starbucks coffee that three hours of 'Bucks denial might cause a homocidal rampage. Seriously, suck it up and head to a Dunkin Donuts. Stop killing people over caffeine withdrawal. That's just stupid.

Disclaimer: I do not drink coffee. But I have been to Starbucks many times.

Will you survive tonight?

(The original article)


1 comment:

brooke said...

You'd be kinder if you knew how degrading those training sessions were. When your employer and your customers treat you like an idiot all the time, chances are you're going to start acting like one. Those asshole customers that act like they are better than me are one of the reasons that I act apathetic and less-than-helpful at my job. If people were nicer to retail workers, retail workers would be nicer to people.