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Saturday, August 12, 2006

Baby Names: Asia Cracks Down on Horrible Parents

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This is a special post, dedicated to all of the parents out there who give their children godawful names that will lead to ridicule and shame for the entirety of that poor child's life. A child is not a pet that should be given a cute and unique name that sounds humorous or inspiring (like "Humorous Smith" or "Inspiring Jones") - not that pets should be named thusly, either (see: How to Own a Pet (Part 1) for more info). In Asia, countries are finally setting forth on a mission to stop this aspect of horrible parenting once and for all - with quite an awesome method of doing so:

Malaysian parents will no longer be allowed to give their children names deemed unsuitable by authorities.

Malaysia and China are two countries listed that have adopted the practice of banning names - adding them to lists that the National Registration Department will not allow to be given to children. While currently their lists are small, hopefully this sentiment can spread to America, where we exaggerate and overemphasize everything, and maybe finally put an end to OUR horrible parents and their victimized children.

Department spokesperson Jainisah Mohd Noor was quoted as saying the list was compiled following input from various religious and cultural groups. The names being banned in Malaysia include Zani (which means 'male adulterer') and Woti ('sexual intercourse'), in India we find Karrupan ('black fellow') as well as Sivappi and Vellayan (which denote 'fair skin') being banned, and banned in China are names like Chow Tow ('smelly head') and Sum Seng ('gangster').

The main list luckily goes farther than just racial slurs and inappropriate acts. The National Registration Department will also not allow parents to name their babies after colors, animals, insects, fruits or vegetables.

While in these countries, the NRD will allow parents usage of these names "if they are insistent even after knowing they are unsuitable", in the land of lawyers known as America, maybe we can start fines and/or jail time for offenders. The warning of a jail sentence might certainly open the eyes of bad parents and convince them to change their children's poor names on the spot as well as remind them to never again do such a foolish (and now illegal) thing.

And the first to be put on trial in America for such an offense?

Gwyneth Paltrow, for her now-illegally-named child, Apple.


AaronBSam's Blog

AaronBSam's Blog
As of 8/11/06:
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