Sandler and the CTA!

Stop the presses! I've just solved the CTA's money problems and if we can get this screenplay together in less than a week, we can present it to Hollywood and sign a contract for millions of dollars and that plus royalties should keep the CTA afloat!

Here's where it all began:

I'm reading the RedEye like I usually do in the mornings, riding the #44 bus (until it's killed on Doomsday) and the Orange Line train I take to get to work downtown, and the article about the CTA Doomsday and Blagojevich's legislation nonsense and that's when I see it. It's the first time I've seen a photo of the CTA President, Ron Huberman. My first instinct?

Man, that guy looks a LOT like Adam Sandler!

Well, maybe it's that Adam Sandler could easily portray this guy with a slightly different haircut and not much else. That's when I get my big idea: creating a movie about the CTA starring Adam Sandler as Ron Huberman. Or, well, not necessarily him completely - the movie's going to TECHNICALLY be fiction, but the plot setup is rather true-to-life.

Possible plotline:

Ron Huberman arrives to his office on the first day of his new position of CTA President, only to find out from the staff that there's no money, no funding, and the previous president has already created Project Doomsday which is now in motion. Ron learns that almost half of the bus lines will be axed (as well as the drivers), fares will need to be increased to almost double, and the entire Santa's Holiday Train project will be scrapped this year - all with 30 days as the deadline to get the money or funding before the CTA goes literally broke.

(I think he'll come to work on that first day right after Thanksgiving and the Doomsday will be maybe like Christmas, so this can become a holiday season movie.)

All the while trying to fight a few high-up legislators who never agree, like Mayor Daley and Governor Blagojevich, Ron must attempt some crazy stunts to try and create funding for the CTA. Basically it's every hilarious idea that the RedEye readers have sent in, plus some of the decent ones which accidentally go horribly awry (in comedic fashion). I'm picturing everything from a Bake Sale scene to possibly Ron talking to a mob boss (this is Chicago, after all) at one point. All the while, most of this takes place along the Red Line because you don't even need to exaggerate it that much to turn it into comedy.

I'm thinking a possible scene could be having Ron wrangle up all of the homeless musicians from along the Red Line stops and having a huge concert featuring the Red Line Players or something hilarious like that. It'd be fun to get musician cameos with popular musicians dressed as hobos!

The movie finally ties together - in the exact same way that reality would! Ron's last idea is his best ever; he creates a CTA screenplay and pitches it to Hollywood! The last few scenes would be Ron receiving the huge check from the movie studios and celebrating by riding in the sleigh along the Red Line with Santa's Holiday Train as riders cheer him on. There's a brief fade and we notice it's now an ACTOR playing Ron in the sleigh and as the credits roll, the camera pans out to a movie theater where Ron is having a screening with the other characters - still celebrating the victory and having one last laugh before the real credits roll.

Possible actors/actresses:

Adam Sandler as Ron Huberman. I think he can pull it off and make even Doomsday seem funny - at least to everyone not from Chicago. Plus, he's got the "nice guy" attitude until something pisses him off and he does the classic Adam Sandler yelling and freaking out stuff.

Tom Cruise as Governor Blagojevich. When was the last time we saw Tom as some kind of bad guy? I think Tom could bring some weird devilish evilness as a governor who's ruining the funding process.

Fred Thompson as Mayor Daley. Well, he's gotta have something to fall back on once he eventually drops from the presidential primaries. He can at least settle for mayor in a movie!

The usual Happy/Madison members like Rob Schneider and [those other guys] as CTA Red Line riders. If you've ridden the Red Line, you'd know what I'm talking about.

Morgan Freeman as a kindhearted hobo, offering sage advice in-between selling items on the train (the items change randomly in every scene he's in).

Perhaps some actress as a Blue Line rider who becomes the love interest after constantly bumping into Ron in the Jackson transfer tunnel. Perhaps a slow-motion Jackson transfer tunnel reconciliation montage near the end?

That's all I have so far. Maybe you're not all that interested, but I think there's a chance that Hollywood would go for it. And sign a big fat check that would take care of enough of the REAL CTA's Doomsday woes with potential royalties supplying the rest?

That's my big idea. What ideas have YOU offered to save the CTA from Doomsday? Well, mine's better. Because my idea could incorporate yours as a comedic scene!