Ronald McDonald and the Food Liberation Army

No, this picture is not a fake. It is, however, a horrible spoof of an Al-Qaeda video - a spoof perpetrated by a Finnish group calling themselves the "Food Liberation Army". They have kidnapped a Ronald McDonald statue and are holding it 'hostage' unless the McDonald's corporation answers certain questions about its manufacturing process.

Questions that specifically include:

1. Why are you not open about the manufacturing processes, raw materials and additives used in your products? what are you afraid of?

2. How many tons of un-recycled waste do you produce each year? Why do you not publish that figure?

They state that if the questions are not answered, Ronald will be 'executed' on Friday the 11th of February at 6:30pm. I believe that's in England's time zone.

These kids need a goddamned Happy Meal, if you ask me. Because they apparently do like the food. Which just makes this thing 3 extra levels of ridiculous.

I found out about this news event from Fark.com, referencing me to this website which was in turn sharing the information from a UK news website. So forgive me for the fact that this is not all that new of news.

The video released by the FLA group goes on to state that "though they are fans of McDonalds burgers and fries, they believe that the food they love is being destroyed."

You. Idiots.

First of all, you're calling yourself the "Food Liberation Army" - yet you haven't liberated any goddamned food, other than into your gullets. How the fuck do you even "liberate" food in the first place? You can't set something free that's already dead, especially after it's been processed into food. All you've done so far is steal a statue and place a hood over its head in a mocking video. It's not food, and you haven't freed it. You want to KILL it. The "sweet release of death" does not count as liberation, especially since it's a fucking statue and not alive or dead at all. In fact, it has clones of itself in every damned restaurant in the franchise!

Is your next plan to rob a McDonald's of all its Chicken McNuggets, and then set them free in a field, where they can live out the rest of their days in peace? where they don't have to suffer under oppressive human rule, awaiting death by consumption, until they are... consumed by wildlife or a passerby hobo?

And how do your random questions being answered make any difference in the grand scheme of things? Un-recycled waste amounts and more detail of the ingredients used in the manufacturing process of McDonald's food? They're a publicly-traded billion-dollar company. This shit is already available information. Try asking the Food and Drug Administration, or the Health Bureau or whatever governmental body in England would have investigated and would know the manufacturing processes after approving them as upholding the health code? Hell, McDonald's spokesperson even said that they are willing to engage in constructive conversations with our customers, stakeholders and the media - which means that if you weren't acting like idiots, you'd get your answers even faster.

This is, all in all, an unnerving trend where groups of idiots think that by giving themselves a ridiculous name and spoofing acts of terrorism, that they are entitled to whatever they want and have the moral high ground.

You are wrong, Food Liberation Army. Your moniker is ridiculous. You have committed an act of theft. You have made insipid demands for information that could easily be attained through various legal channels. You have lampooned the acts of terrorists and deserve to be punished for both making light of actual horrible acts as well as encouraging others to do the same.

I know it comes as no surprise that I would side with McDonald's here, but after such an incredibly-dumb act has been perpetrated by such a group of incredibly-dumb criminals - wouldn't you agree?

What do you think? Should McDonald's negotiate with these "terrorists"? Leave a comment!

And then Digg this article!

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Liberation Fronts

If there's one thing that the news has taught me as of recently, it's that any situation that uses the word "liberation" means that the situation involves "terrorism". While some claim that America going in to "liberate" countries means us look more like the terrorists than the terrorists creating the ruckus in the first place that led to the country needing some "liberation", one cannot deny that the two ideas of liberation and terrorism are both at work. I've already had several diatribes against the Animal Liberation Front and their terrorist ways - especially when the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act was passed and rightfully put groups who destroy animal testing research and threaten the lives of those in animal-based work into the proper classification of "terrorists".

Well here's a "liberating" group that needs to be rightly put on that list as well. The "Earth Liberation Front" apparently goes around destroying things that it deems aren't environmentally-friendly enough, or something like that. I'm not really sure how this group plans on liberating the Earth. I mean, with the A.L.F. they at least deliver what they promise. It's a lot more definable to liberate an animal than a planet. The animal-rights dipwads go into medical labs, release all of the animals (either into the wild where they cannot survive because they were bred for research or taken to shelters or kept as pets, which I wouldn't say is actual "liberation") and then decide to be jackasses and also burn down the lab or destroy the research or threaten to kill the scientists or their families.

Frankly, if the Earth Liberation Front really wanted to liberate the Earth, it could start with a mass suicide akin to famous cults in the past. Seriously, Earth is too bogged down and cluttered with idiots and it could use with some liberation from THAT. I mean their main argument seems to be that humans are destroying the planet with non-environmentally-friendly things. So which is more likely to liberate the planet: destroying those things, or destroying people in general? Apparently they're fine with arson forms of terrorism, but they supposedly draw the line at murder.

Yea, the main spark for this post was that the E.L.F. attacked some multimillion-dollar homes in Oregon that were built under the premise of being "green", and according to the scrawlings that the Earth Liberation Front left on the burned remains of the homes - they were not.

So the question arises: are we going to call this an act of domestic terrorism? My answer is yes. In the same way that the A.L.F. are terrorists, this group is using a crime to scare (aka: terrorize) people and coerce them into doing something or not doing something according to their agenda. At the very least, they are criminals. At the very most, they are a terrorist cell hiding out in the Northwest that have obviously done at least millions of dollars worth of damage.

And you know what? As long as we have idiot groups out there willing to commit crime in order to "liberate" things that they've deemed needing of liberation, I want to propose a few new Liberation Fronts that follow the same pattern of having crazy impossible dreams and going about them the wrong way:

The Vegetable Liberation Front - The V.L.F. fights to liberate the vegetables and fruits that cannot fight for themselves. They think it's okay to eat meat because animals can express pain, so they will always have groups fighting for them out of sympathy - but WHO WILL THINK OF THE CARROTS? Carrots and eggplants and other plant life cannot express themselves and the pain and emotions they must be feeling after being ripped from their natural homes to slowly die, unless they are chopped up into pieces or run across graters or cooked alive! The V.L.F. robs grocery stores of produce and burns down farmer's markets and puts all the liberated victims into compost to "return them to Mother Earth".

Seriously, are we really that far off from a band of these guys?

The Mall Liberation Front - The M.L.F. (not to be confused with MILFs) fights to liberate malls and other shopping districts from window-shoppers. The mall is a place of commerce, and window-shoppers don't buy things and contribute to the economy. Well, they don't contribute to the mall economy... In order to rid the malls of these delinquents, the M.L.F. goes around malls, destroying window displays and painting over the windows of stores without specific window displays. Without things in the windows to stare at, the window-shoppers will be foiled and flee from the malls or resort to entering the stores where their perusal can at least be counterbalanced by pushy clerks and salespeople who can target them and attempt to make sales. For the mall!

"Window-shopping" really is kind of a misnomer if no shopping actually gets done.

The Gene Pool Liberation Front - This is my favorite made-up organization. If only the streets had roaming assassins who were equipped with common-sense testing supplies or something; ready to kill those who threaten the gene pool with their idiocy. They could just watch all of the recorded episodes of America's Dumbest Criminals and make that their hit list. We can all agree that if you have to kill off the dumb people, it's a good idea to start with the dumb people who are also criminals. I suppose that if they're just trying to liberate the gene pool, it would be less-deadly to just castrate people instead of just outright killing them - but if you've already got people who are dumb enough to try and cleanse the planet of dumb people by killing them, I doubt you'd trust any of them with surgical tools. In fact, membership to the G.P.L.F. would probably involve some form of sterilization. It might be too expensive, though - so I guess the alternative would be using the murder-suicide approach as opposed to the straight-up-murder approach. It would at least mean fewer trials, since the killer would be dead as well. And that cleanses the gene pool of two problems at once. (More, if you hit some kind of idiocy convention.)

What do you think? Can you foresee any of these "liberators" actually existing? Any Liberation Front ideas of your own?

(The article about the E.L.F. destroying the expensive homes)


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