Ronald McDonald and the Food Liberation Army

No, this picture is not a fake. It is, however, a horrible spoof of an Al-Qaeda video - a spoof perpetrated by a Finnish group calling themselves the "Food Liberation Army". They have kidnapped a Ronald McDonald statue and are holding it 'hostage' unless the McDonald's corporation answers certain questions about its manufacturing process.

Questions that specifically include:

1. Why are you not open about the manufacturing processes, raw materials and additives used in your products? what are you afraid of?

2. How many tons of un-recycled waste do you produce each year? Why do you not publish that figure?

They state that if the questions are not answered, Ronald will be 'executed' on Friday the 11th of February at 6:30pm. I believe that's in England's time zone.

These kids need a goddamned Happy Meal, if you ask me. Because they apparently do like the food. Which just makes this thing 3 extra levels of ridiculous.

I found out about this news event from Fark.com, referencing me to this website which was in turn sharing the information from a UK news website. So forgive me for the fact that this is not all that new of news.

The video released by the FLA group goes on to state that "though they are fans of McDonalds burgers and fries, they believe that the food they love is being destroyed."

You. Idiots.

First of all, you're calling yourself the "Food Liberation Army" - yet you haven't liberated any goddamned food, other than into your gullets. How the fuck do you even "liberate" food in the first place? You can't set something free that's already dead, especially after it's been processed into food. All you've done so far is steal a statue and place a hood over its head in a mocking video. It's not food, and you haven't freed it. You want to KILL it. The "sweet release of death" does not count as liberation, especially since it's a fucking statue and not alive or dead at all. In fact, it has clones of itself in every damned restaurant in the franchise!

Is your next plan to rob a McDonald's of all its Chicken McNuggets, and then set them free in a field, where they can live out the rest of their days in peace? where they don't have to suffer under oppressive human rule, awaiting death by consumption, until they are... consumed by wildlife or a passerby hobo?

And how do your random questions being answered make any difference in the grand scheme of things? Un-recycled waste amounts and more detail of the ingredients used in the manufacturing process of McDonald's food? They're a publicly-traded billion-dollar company. This shit is already available information. Try asking the Food and Drug Administration, or the Health Bureau or whatever governmental body in England would have investigated and would know the manufacturing processes after approving them as upholding the health code? Hell, McDonald's spokesperson even said that they are willing to engage in constructive conversations with our customers, stakeholders and the media - which means that if you weren't acting like idiots, you'd get your answers even faster.

This is, all in all, an unnerving trend where groups of idiots think that by giving themselves a ridiculous name and spoofing acts of terrorism, that they are entitled to whatever they want and have the moral high ground.

You are wrong, Food Liberation Army. Your moniker is ridiculous. You have committed an act of theft. You have made insipid demands for information that could easily be attained through various legal channels. You have lampooned the acts of terrorists and deserve to be punished for both making light of actual horrible acts as well as encouraging others to do the same.

I know it comes as no surprise that I would side with McDonald's here, but after such an incredibly-dumb act has been perpetrated by such a group of incredibly-dumb criminals - wouldn't you agree?

What do you think? Should McDonald's negotiate with these "terrorists"? Leave a comment!

And then Digg this article!

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PETA and Lobsters

PETA is just one step closer to complete insanity, judging by this latest little publicity stunt that will never take off.

The situation starts off with Skowhegan, Maine - a county that is currently building a new jail and is trying to sell off their outdated jail. That sounds sensible enough. And then PETA gets in the act. PETA has sent a proposal to the Somerset County commissioners to LEASE their jail to PETA so they can turn it into a "Lobster Empathy Center" (that's what they're calling it). The realtor handling the jail's sale has identified the proposal as "likely a publicity stunt."

Judge for yourself with this excerpt from the letter sent by PETA to the commissioners:

"A prison is the perfect setting to demonstrate how lobsters suffer when they are caught in traps or confined to cramped, filthy supermarket tanks. The center will teach visitors to have compassion for these interesting, sensitive animals while also commemorating the millions of lobsters who are ripped from their homes in the ocean off the coast of Maine each year before being boiled alive."

Luckily, unlike the Chicago City Council who were all taken in by PETA shock video and banned the sale of foie gras two years ago (and recently realized their mistake and repealed it), Commissioner Chairman Phil Roy isn't buying it and is willing to point out the many many issues regarding this letter.

1. Skowhegan isn't even part of coastal Maine.

This whole shenanigan is to make the public aware of the lobster catching going on at the coast of Maine. Stupidly, they chose a town about 53 MILES away from the coast of Maine (namely Rockland, home of the Maine Lobster Festival) to launch their futile efforts.

2. PETA complains about lobster jail, but never lifted a finger about the humans kept in those conditions.

Even this commissioner will point out that humans are animals too, and PETA couldn't care less about the humans who have to suffer with "objectionable" conditions - but if an animal has to go through something even remotely similar to those conditions? That's the only time PETA pretends to care and sends out these insane letters.

3. PETA wants to use the space for propaganda that lobsters feel pain.

Studies have frankly been done for a number of years with no factual conclusion on the subject. One famous study, however, sides with the "it is unlikely that they can feel pain" camp. Biologists have said for years that the lobster's primitive nervous system and underdeveloped brain are akin to an insect, and while lobsters react to stimuli (like boiling water), the reactions are escape mechanisms and NOT a conscious response or an indication of pain, they say.

"It's a semantic thing: No brain, no pain."

4. PETA wants to trap visitors and put rubber bands on their fingers.

That's just ridiculous. While I can understand that there's a parallel between rubber bands on claws - those rubber bands are there for the protection of those handling the lobsters, not to torture or be "mean" to the lobsters. If a vicious dog was threatening to bite people, you'd put a muzzle on it. If your cat is scratching the furniture or people - you get it declawed. It's a safety precaution and exploiting it under the guise of torturing a defenseless creature is insane. It's because the creature ISN'T defenseless! Plus, the whole notion of human-sized lobster traps and cramming people into a giant replica lobster tank with filthy glass walls? That's going a little too far. The place was going to be set in a JAIL and you're going further out of your way to remind people that they don't like being confined in dirty small spaces? Waste of time and bigger waste of props.

This whole thing is crazy from square one.

Nonetheless, even if it's (obviously) a publicity stunt, it's being forwarded to the realtor along with all other offers. The realty company has expressed that all offers would be considered, but admitted that the county has no interest in leasing the jail. The property needs to be sold, and the use of the property is the bigger issue being looked at. The county wants to provide jobs and "get the property back on the tax rolls." There are currently 22 leads already, including one proposal to purchase the jail for "a gristmill, artists colony, bakery and other cultural uses."

I'm hoping that seems like an infinitely better idea than leasing the building to a terrorist organization like PETA for the purpose of turning it into a "Lobster Empathy Center".

What do you think? Isn't lobster delicious? "No brain, no pain?"

(The article about PETA's indecent proposal)

(The study showing lobsters probably don't feel pain in the first place) Read more!

Liberation Fronts

If there's one thing that the news has taught me as of recently, it's that any situation that uses the word "liberation" means that the situation involves "terrorism". While some claim that America going in to "liberate" countries means us look more like the terrorists than the terrorists creating the ruckus in the first place that led to the country needing some "liberation", one cannot deny that the two ideas of liberation and terrorism are both at work. I've already had several diatribes against the Animal Liberation Front and their terrorist ways - especially when the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act was passed and rightfully put groups who destroy animal testing research and threaten the lives of those in animal-based work into the proper classification of "terrorists".

Well here's a "liberating" group that needs to be rightly put on that list as well. The "Earth Liberation Front" apparently goes around destroying things that it deems aren't environmentally-friendly enough, or something like that. I'm not really sure how this group plans on liberating the Earth. I mean, with the A.L.F. they at least deliver what they promise. It's a lot more definable to liberate an animal than a planet. The animal-rights dipwads go into medical labs, release all of the animals (either into the wild where they cannot survive because they were bred for research or taken to shelters or kept as pets, which I wouldn't say is actual "liberation") and then decide to be jackasses and also burn down the lab or destroy the research or threaten to kill the scientists or their families.

Frankly, if the Earth Liberation Front really wanted to liberate the Earth, it could start with a mass suicide akin to famous cults in the past. Seriously, Earth is too bogged down and cluttered with idiots and it could use with some liberation from THAT. I mean their main argument seems to be that humans are destroying the planet with non-environmentally-friendly things. So which is more likely to liberate the planet: destroying those things, or destroying people in general? Apparently they're fine with arson forms of terrorism, but they supposedly draw the line at murder.

Yea, the main spark for this post was that the E.L.F. attacked some multimillion-dollar homes in Oregon that were built under the premise of being "green", and according to the scrawlings that the Earth Liberation Front left on the burned remains of the homes - they were not.

So the question arises: are we going to call this an act of domestic terrorism? My answer is yes. In the same way that the A.L.F. are terrorists, this group is using a crime to scare (aka: terrorize) people and coerce them into doing something or not doing something according to their agenda. At the very least, they are criminals. At the very most, they are a terrorist cell hiding out in the Northwest that have obviously done at least millions of dollars worth of damage.

And you know what? As long as we have idiot groups out there willing to commit crime in order to "liberate" things that they've deemed needing of liberation, I want to propose a few new Liberation Fronts that follow the same pattern of having crazy impossible dreams and going about them the wrong way:

The Vegetable Liberation Front - The V.L.F. fights to liberate the vegetables and fruits that cannot fight for themselves. They think it's okay to eat meat because animals can express pain, so they will always have groups fighting for them out of sympathy - but WHO WILL THINK OF THE CARROTS? Carrots and eggplants and other plant life cannot express themselves and the pain and emotions they must be feeling after being ripped from their natural homes to slowly die, unless they are chopped up into pieces or run across graters or cooked alive! The V.L.F. robs grocery stores of produce and burns down farmer's markets and puts all the liberated victims into compost to "return them to Mother Earth".

Seriously, are we really that far off from a band of these guys?

The Mall Liberation Front - The M.L.F. (not to be confused with MILFs) fights to liberate malls and other shopping districts from window-shoppers. The mall is a place of commerce, and window-shoppers don't buy things and contribute to the economy. Well, they don't contribute to the mall economy... In order to rid the malls of these delinquents, the M.L.F. goes around malls, destroying window displays and painting over the windows of stores without specific window displays. Without things in the windows to stare at, the window-shoppers will be foiled and flee from the malls or resort to entering the stores where their perusal can at least be counterbalanced by pushy clerks and salespeople who can target them and attempt to make sales. For the mall!

"Window-shopping" really is kind of a misnomer if no shopping actually gets done.

The Gene Pool Liberation Front - This is my favorite made-up organization. If only the streets had roaming assassins who were equipped with common-sense testing supplies or something; ready to kill those who threaten the gene pool with their idiocy. They could just watch all of the recorded episodes of America's Dumbest Criminals and make that their hit list. We can all agree that if you have to kill off the dumb people, it's a good idea to start with the dumb people who are also criminals. I suppose that if they're just trying to liberate the gene pool, it would be less-deadly to just castrate people instead of just outright killing them - but if you've already got people who are dumb enough to try and cleanse the planet of dumb people by killing them, I doubt you'd trust any of them with surgical tools. In fact, membership to the G.P.L.F. would probably involve some form of sterilization. It might be too expensive, though - so I guess the alternative would be using the murder-suicide approach as opposed to the straight-up-murder approach. It would at least mean fewer trials, since the killer would be dead as well. And that cleanses the gene pool of two problems at once. (More, if you hit some kind of idiocy convention.)

What do you think? Can you foresee any of these "liberators" actually existing? Any Liberation Front ideas of your own?

(The article about the E.L.F. destroying the expensive homes)


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WARNING! POM Juice Contaminated by Terrorists!

Look out! A seemingly-healthy bottle of POM juice may be one of the 487 bottles that were tampered with by animal liberation terrorists. Anonymous communiques being sent to the Animal Liberation Press Office have been coming in ever since the Animal Enterprise Terrorist Act went into effect. The terrorists, upset that they're now labelled as the terrorists that they are, are resorting to TERRORISM in response. While some of the communiques are lesser-degree terrorist acts under the new law, like gluing the locks of fur/leather stores along several blocks in Manhattan, this act might actually KILL you.

They claim that drinking the tampered juice will result in "diarrhea, vomiting and headaches" - symptoms which could be caused by a chemical that could prove fatal, or could themselves be fatal if consumed by a weak-healthed person trying to drink some healthy juice.


So WHY? Why would they be targeting a company like POM Wonderful, manufacturing pomegranate and other healthy juices, with such a horrific act? Well, because POM apparently tests their juices on animals so they can make the claims that they do. PETA and other more-violent animal rights activist groups have been up in arms at the juice company, protesting for them to join the Naked Juice Company which is a collective that doesn't test on animals.

Here's an excerpt their communique:

"in a well coordinated action, 487 bottles of pom wonderful juices were tampered with along the Eastern seaboard in stores like wild oats, d'agostino's and food emporiums. those who drink the contaminated juice won't die like the animals in pom labs, but the diarrhea, vomiting and headaches will hopefully send a strong message that people will no longer allow innocent defenseless animals to be tormented and killed for a health juice and to line the pockets of profiteers who dont have feelings for those weaker than they are....thanks to feinstein and inhoff and the stupid animal enterprise terrorist law that violates the principles that this country is supposed to be founded on, more and more activists like us will choose to retreat into the shadows and fight for the animals underground"

So rather than protest in a legal fashion at the POM Wonderful headquarters or outside stores that sell POM - you know, LEGAL acts of protest that are NOT affected by the Animal Enterprise Terrorist Act - they've decided to not only threaten the business by tampering with bottles of juice already in stores and out of the liable hands of the company itself, but they're threatening the lives and health of anyone who stumbles upon one of the 487 tampered bottles! That's the DEFINITION of terrorism - harming/killing people or threatening to do so in order to coerce your ideas onto people! That's why the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act was created and signed into law in the first place!

It's sheer idiocy that the creation of a sensible and decent law is resulting in the INCREASE of people willing to break it and BRAGGING (though cowardly doing so anonymously) that they've broken it. Only in the illegal immigration battle is there a more-bold defiance of FEDERAL LAW.

Well, animal liberation douchebag terrorists - I sincerely hope that you've had your fun, because you've now broken a federal law and it's in their jurisdiction - so they get to treat you like the other terrorists out there, and we ALL know how unpleasant of an ordeal that can be! I hope that you not only get pinned for the terrorism you caused, but that they add charges of attempted murder because you neglegently could have killed someone with the additives you put into the juice by tampering with the bottles.

I sincerely pray that nobody DOES die from ingesting the tampered juice - and I pray that these terrorists are located and justice is served.

(And as long as idiots want to BREAK new laws, I suggest we make it illegal to give money/shelter to the homeless, illegal to deport illegal immigrants without jurisdiction, and illegal to give me millions of dollars out of thanks for helping to fight animal enterprise terrorism with my posts.)

Maybe then all of those things would actually get done and we could all live happily and I could live wealthily.

(The full communique)

(click here for a larger list of terrorist acts being bragged about, including this one) Read more!