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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Motorcycle Envy (E.N.V.)

I, being a city dweller, cannot count the number of times that I have been woken from a sound sleep from the sound of a motorcycle. Whether starting up, revving up, or merely passing by - these blaring vehicles are loud enough to wake the dead. Or at least those who sleep like the dead...

So what would you say if there were a new motorcycle out there that not only is SILENT, but runs on HYDROGEN POWER?

You obviously haven't heard of the ENV (Envy).

ENV, standing for Emissions Neutral Vehicle, is a new breed of motorcycle that runs on a fuel cell of hydrogen that lets it run for about 4 hours (or 100 miles, whichever comes first) and because of this, it's silent.

Nothing that can wake the neighbors, aside from a pompous rider who must proclaim about his purchase because he wants to hear some envy since nobody can hear his ENV. And it's emissions neutral. So what's wrong with this picture?

Motorcycles go "vroom".

(Or in the case of Harley-Davidson, they almost go "potato-potato".)

This doesn't do either. It just runs. At a top speed of 50mph. And it doesn't have gears to shift, so it runs a little like a moped (or as we GTA-ers would say, a "Faggio"). Is it just me, or are they trying to destroy the name of motorcycles everywhere?

Motorcycles are death machines. Because that's what we intended them to be. You hear that "vroom" sound, sometimes it's loud enough to kill you. And bikers have built up an image of being just as deadly as the choppers they ride. Evel Knievel made a living defying death with his.

So why are we going to change it?

Bring back the noise, and bring back the gunk. If there's something we should be neutralizing to the point of uselessness, let's make it something less cool than motorcycles. We need those vehicles of death to keep us on our toes from excitement, fear and anger. Heck, if it weren't for the motorcycles outside my apartment - I might sometimes sleep in too late!

How about some hydrogen-powered golf carts instead?



Anonymous said...

Stupid... With rising fossil fuel prices along with their harmful effect on our environment all motor-vehicle manufacturers should be striving to push vehicles towards an alternate, environment friendly source of fuel. Only someone truly ignorant would suggest we do otherwise.

AaronBSam said...

Wow. This article was written back in early 2006. I admit that gas prices were still on the rise back then and environmental nay-sayers have always been saying 'nay' - but these were not as hot-button of issues back then. Way to take a 2008-election-year attack on a 2006-early-blogger post.

Only someone truly ignorant would do that.

Also, if you read the original article, you might notice that this was more of a sarcastic review of the original article.

But why bother when you just want to spew your pro-environment liberal agenda against someone who suggests that true motorcycles are meant to be evil death machines and making a harmless clean one defeats the purpose of calling it a motorcycle...