Christmas on the CTA

I saw this, and had to share. I know, it's wrong of me to post hilarious things that I didn't write (and have no idea who the original author is) - but if you live in Chicago, you'll hopefully crack up as much as I did and forgive me. I've seen it on this awesome blog and originally on a post in this LJ community post.

And if you're not living in Chicago, maybe it'll give you some insight into our horrible world, full of Doomsdays (and apparently a supposed walkout on Monday that will leave the city crippled with no CTA, RTA or PACE).


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

But St. Nick himself, plump and brimming with joy
Hit a snag on his last stop: Chicago, Illinois

For Rudolph the reindeer, whose nose led the way
Suddenly fell ill and could not guide the sleigh

Santa said “Well, just one option remains
I'll finish my route using CTA trains”

He gathered the reindeer and sack full of toys
To give to Chicagoland good girls and boys

And though well-equipped, CTA card in hand
He'd soon find their trip wouldn't go quite as planned

The train that they rode went from four tracks to one
And wouldn't move fast 'til construction was done

Right then, Santa's joy changed to derision
Saying “It'll take 3 damn hours to reach Clark and Division”

“We normally fly through the air with such speed
But this subway, it moves like a turtle on weed”

The seats were all dirty and beyond repairs
The reindeer stood in urine, which for once wasn't theirs

And Sally's new doll, it would just have to wait
Her Brown Line stop's closed until 2008!

Yes…Santa, he trudged and he slogged and he groaned
It seemed that his Doomsday would not be postponed

But he made a vow on that cold Christmas night
“I must do my job, and do the job right!”

He rode on that Red Line, and then on the Blue
Plus the 36 bus and the Clark 22

He rode on the Orange Line, rode on the Green
From O'Hare to East Side and all homes between

And despite the delays at a few of those places
He did all he could to put smiles on kids' faces

And when he was done, he sighed with relief
Though the trip had been rough, it was worth all the grief

He delivered those presents, he was true to his word
He looked at his watch…..it was January 3rd.

They all flew back home once Rudolph felt better
Mrs. Claus fetched his hubby hot tea and a sweater

Then St. Nick sat down in his favorite chair
And thought all about the entire affair

He hoped that the CTA would succeed
In getting their present: the funds that they need

And I heard him exclaim, as exclaiming's his habit
“Merry Christmas to All! Next time, f**k it, I'll cab it!!!!”